If it sticks, its done...

Thursday, April 27

Strange Rumblings...

I remember when I was in university...

When you're young and in college or university and you begin to have actual ideas and actual thoughts and you begin to suspect that a lot of what you have been told in the past is bullshit and you begin to listen to the left-leaning professors and lecturers and you really start, for the first time, to flex the political muscle that rests in the reptilian part of all of our brains...

When you're young and full of hero juice and that political muscle that rests in the reptilian part of our brains begins to work and rumble and make noises that drown out the higher reasoning functions...

When you're young and invincible and full of energy and full of the conviction and self-righteousness that only comes with the absolute certainy that you are right and they are wrong...

When I was young and in university and was full of hero juice and flexing that political muscle that resides in the reptilian part of my brain and was invincible and full of energy and was listening to the old hippies who were lecturing on the exploitation of the worker and how the true value of any product is tied to the value of the labour that was used to produce it and the inherent goodness of the blue-collar and the inherent wrongness of the white-collar I was convinced and I was righteous in my beliefs...

Some of those beliefs, however, are, well, a wee-bit wrong it turns out. Ahhh, age.

The Soviet Union was an Utopian paradise, a place of bright colours and freedom and all people were equal and there was no oppression and there was no reason at all to be paranoid of them and their righteous ways. I ignored the truly obvious and glaring omissions from the Collected Works of Lenin and the Collected Works of Stalin and the Collected Works of Trotsky. I ignored the contradictions (those were due to Practical Thinking... yes, indeed). I ignored the hypocritical statements (more of that Practical Thinking...). In a society of True Equality it was okay for the Party Members to live better than everyone else. Hell, it was fine that the Politburo had its own traffic lanes to use while being driven around in the latest Mercedes. Oh, boy.
That's just a tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg... I could go on, but the mental gymnastics I was practicing in those days to keep all this straight and coherent and fine in my World View is just plain embarrassing now.
Oh, boy.

There was more... I was angry with Amnesty International for not recognizing that "Freedom Fighters" were Political Prisoners, too. Blowing up civilians was fine. Just look at what the Imperialists were doing. Being imprisoned for killing a subway full of folks was the same as being imprisoned for writing down or saying what you thought was wrong with the System, wasn't it...
I was angry about the seal hunt... The seal hunters were the problem, not the demand for seal fur. Get it? Oh, boy.

It was fine and okay and outright dandy for me to write and scream and yell about everything that was wrong and ugly about our society, but for someone in a Communist country to do this... Well, he was a traitor to the Cause, and deserved whatever came his way. Oh, boy.

I was a Marxist while I was blind to the fact that Marx himself was a Marxist for a short period and only called for the Revolution when he was young and full of hero juice. Somehow I read the Communist Manifesto and Das Kapital and ignored the change in the man and his ideas. Somehow I could quote "Religion is the opiate of the masses..." while ignoring the rest of that statement (for anyone interested, Marx' statement is Not that religion is bad and wrong and horrible, it was that day to day living in the days of the Industrial Revolution was bad and wrong and horrible and at the end of the day everyone needed an opiate, be it religion and its promise of Heaven or booze or, well, opium...).

And where am I going with this, you ask... You didn't ask? Sorry.

In a time when America needs its youngest and brightest and educated to help save its soul, some American (and Canadian, we're not innocent) college and university students have set their sights on saving the campus from the evils of Coca-Cola. Really.



This generation of college and university student seems a wee bit, well, tasteless and, okay, out-right stupid in their use of imagery. Was it Coke that killed the students at Kent State? I don't remember that line from the song Ohio... Oh, boy.
We'll get to what they are angry and oh, so right about in a moment...
Let's discuss the Photoshop genius above for a moment more...

In a history of rotten moments, the killing of four students at Kent State is one America's ugliest. A tragedy. A disgrace. No-one, not even Richard Nixon, thought it was good and practical. Everyone, I mean everyone was horrified by it. The pigfuckers at the time may have given lip-service defense to the National Guard at the time, but it was not in their hearts. I may not be old enough to remember the moment, but I am old enough to remember the fallout... The helpless scream over the corpse is ingrained on my brain and in my soul, as it is for pretty well everyone over a certain age. It may be the single moment that cried out that America was insane and in trouble and needed some serious help. It may be the moment that brought about the end of the Vietnam war and the Race war and ushered in a tall drink of water for a country that was falling to pieces... To use it to push your anti-soft drink agenda, well, that is just damn stupid. Damn stupid. And wrong. If you want everyone to gather around for your cause, try to leave a previous generations iconic moments alone. Please and thank you.

Dumbasses.

So what are they upset about? What is it that has driven some young folks who are full of hero juice and are flexing that political muscle that rests in the reptilian part of the brain for the first time to a tasteless plateau?

The young'uns are angry about Coca Cola's labour practices in the third world. Okay. I can get behind that. Ever hear about Disney's policies? Or Nike's? Or any other multi-national corporation's? An end to sweat shops and child labour would be sweet and good for all of our souls.
The young'uns are really, really angry about the murder of labour leaders in Columbia. Okay. I'm angry, too. The violence in Columbia is ugly and is wrong and bad for all of our souls. The cartels and the terrorists have been using labour leaders and civic leaders and judges and civilian for target practice for way, way, way too long.
The young'uns blame Coca Cola for the murder of labour leaders in Columbia. What the fuck?

Let's repeat that, shall we... The young'uns blame Coca Cola for the murder of labour leaders in Columbia...
Shit, damn. That's fucked, that's wrong on so many levels. The shareholders of Coca Cola stock and the CEO of Coca Cola and anyone with any kind of interest in Coca Cola should be strung up by their ankles from the lamppost and it should be started yesterday. Coca Cola's killing people? Fuck Coke. Let's boycott Coke. Let's get started. The soft drink revolution will be televised...

Wait. Hold on. The labour leaders were killed by guerrillas. Not by suits? Okay. Then they ordered the hits. They paid for them and the Columbian government will come down on them like a load of bricks dropped from a very, very high place. I mean, this is the government that took out Escobar, they will investigate this and they will kick Coke's ass back to Atlanta... Wait. Hold on. Coke has been acquitted of any responsibility by two judicial inquiries...

Oh, boy.

Read this. Oh, boy.

I remember when I was in university. When I was young and full of hero juice and was flexing the political muscle that resides in the reptilian part of my brain. I had some ideas and thoughts and they were mine. And sometimes, I was Wrong.

And I wish I had spent some of that energy and hero juice on things that really and truly bother me. I hope these young'uns learn the same lesson soon. They should look in their own backyard if they want something to get really and truly and honestly angry about.

God bless America...







Oh, boy...

Tuesday, April 25

And Now I Feel Better

Oh, so much better.

Go now.

Rodney Anonymous... He so cool.

Goddamn It

A hoax.

A freakin hoax. And I fell for it. Shit. Damn.

Here's the link...

Goddamn it.

Should have known it was too good to be true...

Thursday, April 20

Mark Ecko & Why He Tagged Air Force One



This is Mark Ecko. He does graffiti.



This is Air Force One. It flies the President of the United States. It is quite possibly the most guarded and secure aircraft on the planet.

This is Mark Ecko tagging Air Force One.

This is StillFree.com. Mark Ecko explains why he tagged Air Force One.

Its not every day you encounter a new Hero.

Thursday, April 13

Happy Death of Your Saviour Day



Let us ponder the meaning of Easter, shall we...

Rabbits, chocolate eggs and bunnies and Homers, people getting nailed to wood, redemption.



And did Jesus really look lie a young Ted Nugent...



Hmmmm...

I just looked the word Easter up in the dictionary... noun... the most important and oldest festival of the Christian Church, celebrating the ressurection of Jesus Christ and held (in the Western Church) between March 21 and April 25 , on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the northern spring equinox. Orgin... Old English eastre; of Germanic orgin and related to German Ostern and East. According to Bede the word is derived from Eastre, the name of a goddess associated with spring... Nice.



What was going through His mind as he carried his cross up the hill... Was He reflecting on his short life... Was He wondering if all the souls of mankind were worth His sacrifice... Was He giving in to self-doubt or was He sure of His mission... Was He just operating on some kind of unconcious remote, putting foot after foot, His mind filled with fire and fear and pain... Or was He hoping that no matter what happened, no matter how long it took for Him to die at the hands of the Romans, no matter the pain His family was going through, that no-one in two thousand years or so would make an illustrated Walk to The Cross using Legos?



Oops...

And here, for your religious learning pleasure, is The Brick Testament, by The Reverand Brendan Powell Smith...



So, to all my Christian friends out there, reading this instead of cruising for pictures of unclothed ladies, I hope you have a somber and dignified Easter, reflecting on the courage and the sacrifice of one thirty-three old Jewish man two thousand or so years ago.



For the rest of you... Click here, you're probably going to hell anyway, if they're right...

Sunday, April 9

Save Me Jebus, Pt 2

Came across this link while staggering around on Fark... Click here.

Oh, boy, I said to myself, oh, boy.

Thinking to myself, I mumbled, self, this has got to be one sad and lonely and sexually frustrated guy in Winnipeg. Who in this giant land of ours would think this? No one else, I was sure.

Ha.
Double ha.

Alberta has one, but that should be of no real suprise.

And another, again, no real suprise.

But Ontario... Shocked, I am, shocked.

And here is the real kicker. What in the name of Stompin Tom Connors are these folks thinking?

Lord, give me strength, that's all I can say.

If anyone comes across any others, let me know. Thanks in advance.

Oh, boy.

Save Me, Jebus...


Don't want to be an alarmist here, but... Someone is planning on using some WMD's and it isn't Iran... Get scared here...

Finished reading?

How about now? Okay.

Like I said before, I don't want to be an alarmist here, but... What in Dick Cheney's underpants are they thinking? Have things in Iraq gone so well that they think they can reproduce the experiment next door? Shit, fuck, goddamn.

The only thing that remotely makes any kind of sense to me, and, I don't know, maybe its a stretch... But, what if the Americans pulled out of Iraq right now, at this moment. They just packed up and went home. Said, "Hey, its been fun, its been real, but it hasn't been real fun." They just picked up their toys and said we're not going to play anymore.

Picturing it? Got the image in your mind? The Americans, the British, everyone just packs up and goes.

What happens next?

A civil war, for sure. Probably one that would make the Cambodian civil war look like a well-organized orgy in the Playboy grotto...

And then...what?

How long until the Iranian government starts looking at its rowdy neighbor and begins thinking, "hey, our rowdy neighbor, we should do something about him..." How long until the Iranians take a long, hard look at the Iran-Iraq war and start planning a sequel? Saddam is gone, the country is a mess, the military is in tatters.

Is the only thing holding them back right now the American presence?

Have the Americans screwed things up so badly in Iraq that they need to launch a pre-emptive strike against the Iranians just to prevent them from marching across the border and ordering a round of drinks in Baghdad by the end of the day? Is the Bush administration that void of critical thinking that this is the only possible solution to what they began, what, three years ago?


That border crossing must be a little tempting, the extra oil fields, the easy access to Kuwait and Saudi Arabia and... Jesus, did I just type that? That's dangerous thinking right there. A giant pan-Arabian nation, a giant oil-producing theocracy controlling everything from the Afghan border to Mecca and beyond... Dangerous thinking.

I don't know, though. Its all very... Tom Clancy, that's what it is.

Executive Orders, by Tom Clancy.


Jack Ryan becomes the President, Saddam is assassinated by an Iranian agent, Iran invades Iraq and then moves on Saudi Arabia... and Jack Ryan saves the day, of course.

Is the Bush Administration looking to Tom Clancy novels for inspiration, for foreign policy?

Christ.

Like I said before, I don't want to be an alarmist here, but...

Thursday, April 6

Another Post

Was searching for the Simpsons trailer... found it. Yay. It seems quite a few were removed due to copyright infringement - I'm looking at you, YouTube...

Here's the link for the happy geek... click here. Heads up, its in Quicktime.

Ciao.

Strange Rumblings From Jupiter




Too cool, must share.

Jupiter has another Big Red Spot.

Read about Red, Jr. here.


Had to share.

Wednesday, April 5

Strange Rumblings From New Jersey, Cont'd



Now that I have successfully, and gracefully (see previous entry... heh, Ball Butter... heh), entered middle age, I look at my life and see where I have been a Champ - wife, house, two dogs and a fish, and a Cuban refugee boat full of great friends - and where I have been a Chump - look at my job, fuck, just look at it, what happened...
Anyway, like I was saying, with the receding hairline and the-not-enjoying of the first smoke of the day anymore, and the job - just fucking look at it, how did this happen...

Sorry.

Anyways...
I have come to the realization that the guy in the back of the cab in '93 was partially right - I was headed nowhere. But what he didn't know, and probably still doesn't - I mean, come on, who wears a Hugo Boss suit and has the balls to tell the guy depending on his tip that he's a loser, I mean, really - is what I know... if it pays the bills, does it matter? If you've got an amazing wife, a house, two dogs and a fish, and a Cuban refugee boat full of great friends, does the forty hours you spend at work really matter?
Know what I mean?

Clerks was, and is, just about the only movie ever made that captures the feelings of a twenty-something when he wakes up and realizes that he's headed nowhere, and the destination is quickly approaching. It could be behind the counter or it could be behind the steering wheel of a cab, but I think that Kevin Smith truly captured that moment when you realize some decisions need to be made or it might be too late and you could end up living above the New American until the sun cools. The decision to start showering on a regular basis and to grow some in order to face the world head-on was a fierce moment, and it was a scary moment. But, hey, I had help. And help came and kicked me firmly in the ass.

But, then, you have to wonder, what if some folks didn't make that decision...



Now that shit could be funny.

The Clerks 2 trailer has been unleashed upon the world... They still serve you and they still don't like you.

Go to clerks2.com now.

Spread the word. August 18, 2006. Mark it on your calendar now. Book it off or quit your job - what, you had something important to do that day at the office?

Snooch.



PS... If you share the man-crush, or are just a sucker for junkie-friend-quitting-junk stories, Kevin Smith is sharing in a multiple-chapter blog about his hetro-life mate, Jason Mewes... over at My Boring Ass Life